Sexuality
by struckbylight
Summary: An unlikely friendship occurs when Kurt seeks relationship advice from Santana and she struggles to come to terms with her identity. Set around the time of Born this Way. Klaine and Brittana.
1. Performance

**A/N- This is set around about Born this Way, Santana has admitted her feelings to Brittany but is still unsure about coming out, Brittany's still with Artie and Kurt and Blaine are together.**

**Please rate and review! This is my first fic and also my first time writing in third person so any feedback is much appreciated, thanks!**

**Disclaimer- Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy and his pals. not me. sigh. if only I owned Kurt...**

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><p>Santana remained silent throughout the whole performance. She didn't even look at Karofsky. It was all so <em>pathetic<em>. Why should she have to parade around singing about herself, about how she was _born_, about how she shouldn't have to change?

Schuester had taken patronising to whole new level. She had every right to just get up and leave. But she didn't want to. What would Brittany think? Given she wasn't the brightest spark in all of glee club, but her thoughts- her feelings- they were still important.

Maybe she should have just put on the stupid T-shirt; people would just think she was part Lebanese anyway... No. Wearing that damn T-shirt would be even worse than just sitting here moping. What would people think? Kurt got it bad enough when he came out, if people knew she was a lesbian then her reputation would be gone forever. And if those losers couldn't work it out... was there a shame in just being who she was? Did she have to cover it up with a stupid spelling mistake?

She wasn't going to join in. She had every right not to.

"Oh well done everybody!" Mrs. Pillsbury's voice rang out, she clapped her hands and her eyes exploded in her face- accentuated by her smile, making her look even more like bush baby. Santana looked up, studying the panting glee club as they finished the number. At these moments she picked up on the things she hated about everybody, and not just because most of their annoying traits were plastered on their shirts.

Mr. Schuester was just as peppy, congratulating them, applauding them. Santana had to look away. She couldn't tell if it was Miss Sylvester's influence but he was making her nauseous.

"Are you coming?" Karofsky's voice was suddenly apparent, he was gesturing for them to leave. She narrowed her eyes and raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow "What do you think?" Karofsky nodded and gingerly left, unsure why he had even come in the first place.

Santana watched each person leave; everyone avoided her penetrating stare- simply walking past without acknowledging her. She preferred that, she didn't want to look at their disgustingly happy faces anyway.

Brittany, oblivious as always, found Santana's eyes following her. She smiled at her, tearing at Santana's, up until now, concrete exterior. She blinked long and hard and adverted her gaze to the floor, preferring its comforting nothingness. Nobody else asked if she was going to come with them, nobody really cared.

She sat alone for a moment, digesting her abandonment. _Maybe if you'd just joined in..._She hushed the thought. She'd been over this. She breathed out long and hard, her eyes burned with the threat of tears. She should have just joined in. What would Brittany be thinking now?

That she didn't love her. That she was too ashamed to tell everyone who or what she was.

Why couldn't Britt just dump that four-eyed nerd?

Santana dug her manicured nails fiercely into her palms. She scanned the area- the mindless chatter, the shuffling of uncoordinated dancing, the hum of the CD player... it was gone. She was alone. The silence was almost deafening.

It was safe, no one could see her.

Releasing her defences and resting her strained eyes, she permitted a single tear to leave them. Even if Britt dumped Artie, Santana was far too concerned with what others thought of her to even ask Brittany to prom, let alone take their relationship any further.

The pain in her palms was suddenly over-whelming. She released her nails. She needed to vent. She needed to let this emotion out; it was ripping away at her- making her, heaven forbid, _weak_.

Another scan of the area. The stage.

If there was one useful thing she had been taught in glee club is that she still had the stage, the moment, the song.

Hesitantly, carefully, she got up. Her heels clicked and echoed through the empty auditorium as she climbed the steps up onto the hard, cracked platform she was so familiar with. She could sing here. She could let it all out.

Suddenly, however, embarrassment swept over her. This was stupid. She turned quickly, flashing red- trying to find the nearest exit from the suffocating auditorium.

She shuffled backwards, disappearing behind the curtains. She breathed, feeling her face flush and her skin burn. It was suddenly stifling. But why? Why was performing on her own, where nobody could see her so embarrassing?

She had more self confidence than this, surely? She liked to make others believe that. But here, in only the company of herself, she was so vulnerable.

Damn it! She was acting like freaking Berry, or Quinn when she got knocked up. She was _Santana_. A stupid identity crisis wasn't going to change that. She clicked back on to the stage. Nobody was here. She needed a release, an escape...

Almost subconsciously, without realising, she was centre stage- ceasing the opportunity to breathe, to explain to herself all of these feelings without the clouded judgement of her own mind. She didn't need any music, she didn't need the entire AV club to romanticize this or ornament it like Rachel did. This was her. All her.

She didn't have a particular song in mind. Only the feeling, and from that the song found itself.

She opened her mouth and let the lyrics pour from it, like liquid, they filled the space around her- her own voice, painting her feelings aloud and releasing them from their tight binds. It became less painful to think of what she might actually say to Brittney or to herself; she felt a truth behind her words.

**In your blue eyes I walked away, in your blue eyes I couldn't stay... In your blue eyes you'll watch her go...**

Her voice quavered as it trickled through the empty space. She paused, swallowed, and carried on.

**Then turn the record on and wonder what went wrong... what went wrong...**

She found it then. The power in her singing, her self-belief. She closed her eyes and released it, instantly filling the auditorium with sound.

**If everything was everything but everything is over- everything could be everything if only we were older. I guess it's just a silly song about you and how I lost you and your blue eyes...**

Santana stopped. There, standing in the entrance to the auditorium, was damn Lady-lips. Kurt freaking Hummel. He stood frozen and the two shared a long, painful moment of silence. Her hard glance focussed around the glossy green-grey of Kurt's eyes, his porcelain skin. She could almost smell the organic hair products wafting through the space.

"What do you want?" She spat snidely, disregarding herself. Kurt seemed taken off guard.

"I-uh-I came back for my jacket," he began, his voice breaking to an even higher vocal range. Santana's eyes glanced to the jacket, strewn in front of her. She would have called it stylish, if a girl had been wearing it.

"It couldn't have waited until tomorrow?" The acid was thick behind her voice, defensive as usual. Kurt raised his eye brows.

"It's Alexander McQueen, like hell it's just going to 'wait until tomorrow'" He strutted towards it and straightened it out, putting it back on neatly. _He was acting like his far too ambiguous self again_, Santana thought. In a way that was worse. _What the hell is he thinking about me? I don't just get up and sing!_

Santana remained silent, swallowing hard. Her eyes tracked every nonchalant movement Hummel made. He was acting too normal. Maybe he hadn't heard? Maybe he had only arrived as she finished? She didn't say anything.

Kurt acknowledged her with his eyes, before taking his leave again- humming _Born this Way_ as he did. As he reached the exit Santana breathed out hard, feeling her heart thud against her rib cage. Her mind raced with thoughts, possibilities of what could have just happened.

_Just be thankful he didn't freaking hear you, I mean if Kurt knew-_

Before completely disappearing Kurt stopped in the doorway, without turning around he muttered something- just loud enough for Santana to catch and make her boiling blood freeze over.

"Nice song by the way."


	2. Break Up

**AN- Thank you for the reviews! (A big thanks for noting the mistakes, much appreciated! They've been tackled now :D)**

**Disclaimer- no. sigh. I don't own glee.**

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><p>"A break?" Kurt could barely form the words. He clasped his hand around his coffee, digesting what he'd heard. Blaine stared back stoically; trying not to be affected by Kurt's over-powering emotion. He'd picked a public place for this reason- maybe, <em>hopefully<em>, he wouldn't make a scene.

Kurt felt tears pricking him; he felt the swell of his eyes. _Damn it, don't cry! _Kurt pursed his lips together carefully, trying not to let anything show. "Kurt, I'm sorry- it's just..." Blaine trailed off; he frowned as he looked at Kurt.

Kurt's eyes were wide, contemplating. He nodded, quickly, jaggedly, not wanting to hear what Blaine was saying. Instead, he got up- he had to leave. He had to get out of there. Blaine was alarmed immediately, noticing Kurt's blood shot eyes. "Kurt," Blaine stood up, trying to calm him down.

Kurt's lips trembled; he raised a shaking hand to his face. "Kurt, I- I'm just not ready to have a boyfriend right now; being gay is a lot to handle, I think I need time on my own to figure it out..." Kurt had heard enough. He couldn't speak though, he couldn't even respond to what Blaine was saying. He breathed hard and ran out of the cafe, ignoring the disapproving stares he got from the stereotypical couples sipping their espressos.

He pushed his way out, stifling his sobs until he reached his car. For a moment he was silent and then, slowly, his tears found their way back. _Damn Blaine! Why now? Why, when Kurt finally thought he had found someone to share this awful high school experience with? _Blaine was always so sure of himself! So proud of his sexuality! Kurt's tears stuck awkwardly to his face, he sat for a while as small whimpers found their way out until he felt his eyes begin to sting.

He wiped at them furiously but the feeling of abandonment, betrayal, it was too apparent in Kurt's mind. Damn it, he still had school. Blaine couldn't have picked a better time to drop this bombshell? Kurt patted his face and flicked down the driver's mirror, he was blotchy and red.

Sucking back another round of unflattering crying, he turned the key to the ignition and made his way to McKinley. _Just don't freaking cry in glee club. You can't be dealing with Mercedes, or worse- _Berry_, asking you what's wrong._

Kurt hadn't realised how fast he had been driving, but it took him less than five minutes to arrive at school. He took a few moments to collect himself before stepping out of the car. He wiped his face again, feeling his normal peachy colour returning. He had a plan to fix the bloodshot eyes.

Taking out a pair of Dolce and Gabanna shades, he placed them on carefully and readjusted his bangs. That would have to do. Feeling braver than he had ever felt for just getting on with his day and at the same time vulnerable and ready to shatter at any moment, he walked steadily to glee club.


	3. Emotion

**A/N- **_**Slight**_** out of character behaviour to fit the plot, from previous chapter also. Hope I can explain it clearly in future chapters. Again, thanks to everybody reading this and your reviews!**

**Disclaimer- nope. Glee still belongs to Ryan Murphy.**

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><p>Santana shamelessly made her way into glee, though Kurt's words plucked at her mind, airing the crack in her defensive wall. While judging and being judged by everyone simultaneously she found a seat away from the crowd in the back row.<p>

She was waiting for Kurt to arrive.

It felt numbing, sitting alone- like she had yesterday. The ring of everyone's familiar voices was just a blurred hum in the back of her mind. She could do this. All she had to do was tell Kurt it was a song for glee club, a solo she had been working on. It meant nothing. His head was probably too full of hairspray for him to catch on anyway.

Eventually he skulked in, at first Santana only registered his outfit- uncannily girly but still stylish as always. Her judgmental eyes couldn't help but find Berry, who, after all of her grossly toddler-like ensembles, had turned up in yet another plaid skirt and animal sweater. Santana found a moment to pity the girl's dress sense.

Her eyes returned to Kurt, who, on closer inspection was definitely not acting normally. On a typical day he'd insult someone else on their clothes, saving Santana the job, he'd find Mercedes or whatever other losers he hung around with and they'd talk about something stupid.

He was doing a pretty good job of covering it up, especially with the sunglasses and all, but Santana had an extremely keen eye for this type of state- it was practically impossible to get it past her far too censorious nature.

He, mimicking Santana's logic, found a seat in the back row. Kurt didn't acknowledge her, he simply stared forward, legs crossed waiting for Mr. Schue to arrive. She shuffled over a few seats, feeling more empowered now she knew he was vulnerable. There was no way he could accuse her of anything now, he knew just how vicious her words could be.

Despite this her voice came out in a rush, flustered,"Kurt, yesterday- that song, it _was_ for glee-"She couldn't finish- she was cut off by Mr. Schue entering proudly with a stack of sheet music.

"Hey guys!" He said cheerfully. Santana groaned. She'd tell Kurt after glee club. _For now, just enjoy your time here_. Santana tried, but her mind wandered quickly. She was distracted by Mr. Schue's latest addition to his vest collection, his oddly feminine hair...

"This week's lesson," At those words Santana started to pay attention, he was actually saying something worth listening to now. She watched Mr. Schue carefully as he turned around and began to write on the whiteboard. Her heart sank when the lesson revealed itself.

"Emotion!" Schuester proclaimed, getting various noises of approval from the glee club. Santana noticed Kurt remain silent. She herself felt gutted like a fish, what the hell had happened in Schuester's life this week to make him pick this?

Rachel intercepted this thought track by standing up, beaming as she always did. _Ugh_. "I can honestly say I've been teaming with emotion for a very long time now and it's ready to burst. I've got the perfect song, I just-"Schuester held up a hand to stop her.

"That's great Rachel, but I have something I'd like to add," Her smile faltered slightly, but she did as told and waited for him to speak, sitting down in defeat "Emotion. It's was defines us as human," _Get on with it_, Santana thought- getting impatient with his beating around the bush at every new topic they were assigned. The lesson was bad enough, being made to sing about her damn emotions all the freaking time.

"Whether something has made you feel on top of the world or gravely saddened, I want you to find a song that epitomises how you feel so you can let it all out. The song has to have meaning; it has to relate to how _you_ feel. I'd like a solo from each of you."

Again, little gasps of approval. Mr. Schue looked at his watch "Sorry guys, I've got to go. Didn't mean to cut this short. Think about your song choices!" He picked up his brief case and shot through the door, barely waving as he did. The glee club didn't mind, he could have been eloping with Miss Pillsbury for all they cared, the room was too busy chatting- song choices this, emotions that.

Santana sighed. Great.

She looked at Kurt who seemed even more depressed than when he first walked in. "Uh, Kurt?" Santana began, not waiting for him to respond "Yeah, about that song, it was for-"She felt her usual assertive power behind her words and was ready to shoot down any speculations he had about her when he cut her off.

"I don't care about your song, Santana." His words were clipped, harsh. Her eyes widened, she had barely spoken to Kurt without insulting him before this but she had never heard him be so coarse, so austere.

She may have fallen out of character back in the auditorium, but here she was completely herself again. And nobody spoke to her like that. She opened her mouth, her words ripe like venom in the back of her throat, when Kurt stood up and left.

She watched in amazement as he pushed his way through the others and silently evaporated from the room- nobody questioning as he did. Without really thinking she followed, appreciating the excuse to leave the room.

Confused, her gaze followed Kurt as he struggled down the hall. She ran after him, demanding an explanation for his blowing her off. "Hummel!" She said, raising her voice for him to hear. He didn't respond, she hadn't expected any less.

She clicked after him again, wobbling in her heels. "Kurt, wait!" She didn't know why she was being so persistent, she wasn't that proud as to demand an apology- and she never really liked Kurt all that much to care about what bothered him. Kurt turned and looked at her, acknowledging her following him. She gazed at his sunglasses, looking at her own reflection.

"No offense Santana, but no one really likes you. So, can you just leave me alone?" His voice was soft as always but weak and sharp, defensive, sad. She was again offended, but his words were nothing she had never heard before.

As he began to walk again she ran to his side. "What's your beef, porcelain?" She didn't mean to insult him, but it just poured out of her like word vomit. If he didn't have sunglasses on, Santana would have been able to see him roll his eyes.

He didn't answer. She frowned for him to take notice "Boy, tell me what the hell your problem is! Damn, Kurt, you think I can't tell something is up?" She stood in his way so he was forced to register her unwillingness to move.

He sighed, a long, sad sigh. Rubbing his forehead from his arising headache he quickly scanned the hallway- he and Santana were alone. Nobody was here.

In normal circumstances Santana would have been the _last_ person he'd tell his problems to, right under Karofsky. In normal circumstances he would have just cried to Mercedes about it. But something, something made 'taking a break' from Blaine not normal. Something in Santana's persistence to know what was bothering him made him consider her.

The situation with Blaine was eating at him, killing him. It ached to think about it. Santana was judgemental and hateful... but she was here, right now, and Kurt needed someone, anyone to just _understand_. It was a leap of faith; Santana could have just laughed at him, insulted him and left. But something... something about the rawness he saw in her in the auditorium made him think maybe she wouldn't. Maybe.

He lifted his glasses.

Santana didn't feel all that surprised seeing his rose stained eyes. His tears were already beginning to prick up once again. A million Santana comments flooded her mind, so witty and cruel she had to bite her lip from saying them aloud. Instead she gingerly patted Kurt's shoulder. She knew this. She knew this look of pure agony.

"Let's get a coffee."


	4. Coffee

**Disclaimer- I don't own glee.**

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><p>It felt weird, Kurt thought, being in the coffee house. He had never ditched school before, though he wasn't particularly in the mood to be educated. He still felt tired, depressed. What was he doing? Coming here with Santana of all people?<p>

He stopped. _Just turn around, you don't need her rubbing salt in your wounds_. Santana looked at him, puzzled "Kurt," she frowned "Come on."

He closed his eyes, thinking, though Santana couldn't see now he had reapplied his sunglasses. She huffed and walked back to where he was lingering "Look, I know me and you aren't exactly BFFs but I think... I think I know what you're going through."

Kurt was sceptical. _How could she possibly?_ This was a mistake, Kurt turned around- making his way back to his car. "Kurt! What the hell, Kurt!" Santana grabbed hold of him.

"I just don't think this was a good idea." He mumbled in response. Santana narrowed her eyes.

"You're here now," Santana began, trying not to sound too harsh. He seemed more fragile than normal and she didn't want to tip him over the edge. "At least just get a coffee or something, you look awful." It was her best attempt at 'comfort'.

Kurt sighed. He was here now, and Santana couldn't possibly make him feel any worse than he already did. One coffee couldn't hurt.

"Grande non fat mocha."

The two shuffled into some seats and sat silently for a moment. Kurt breathed; he was going to tell Santana what happened- despite his better judgement telling him not to. He went over it in his head for the moments they didn't speak, trying to find the words that made him sound less pathetic.

To his surprise, Santana waited- and patiently at that. It seemed as if she had something on her mind also, and from her slight face movements, it seemed as if for once in her life she didn't have the words to voice it.

Kurt breathed out, a long drawn out sigh to centre himself and brace for a wave of Santana's hate. "I think Blaine broke up with me." He said at last, removing his sunglasses to look at Santana.

Santana was taken aback, though, immediately she felt compassion- something alien to her. She _sympathised_. She looked at Kurt for a long hard moment. How could he just open up to her like that? He of all people knew what she could do to vulnerable people.

"I- I'm sorry..." She tried, not really sure what to say to make him feel better. He understood, he was merely grateful she didn't insult him. Kurt twirled a stirrer through his coffee absently and then looked back at Santana.

"It's not your fault." He said dryly, with no real intention to sound cold or bitter. He was just tired and confused. "Blaine said something like being gay was a lot to handle right now and he needed some space to come to terms with his identity." Santana's brow furrowed.

"That's why you broke up? Is that the best he could do? Damn, even Brittney can come up with something better than that,"

Kurt rubbed his fingers hard against his temples, Santana stopped speaking- she gathered that there was more. "Is there something else?" Kurt managed a minute nod.

"He wouldn't say it to me himself; he wouldn't want me to feel guilty...though I knew because some guys from Dalton told me." Kurt mused over the events in his head, saying it more to himself than Santana.

She looked at him, puzzled. Kurt sucked in a breath of air.

"Some kids from our school beat him up, Santana. Said they'd kill him." Kurt's words were clipped as he looked down, a new feeling of guilt washing over him. Santana's jaw dropped in disgust.

"Oh my..." she raised a hand to her mouth, unable to finish the sentence. Suddenly she found inspiration to comfort Kurt, seeing the pain in his eyes. "Kurt that's not your fault! Don't blame that on yourself!" She was intense, worried- something Kurt hadn't seen in her before.

"I-I'm not," Kurt answered, his voice quavering in self doubt "It's just... I honestly thought people had gotten over this homophobia thing. I know how it feels, Santana- I know how terrifying it is. I understand why Blaine said we should go on a break; it just hurts so much to know those _damn_ bullies have even taken _him_ away from me." Santana watched, empathising with Kurt as his tears began again.

"I don't know why I didn't just stay and work it out with him. But I was so... so heartbroken that he would just dump me like that. I couldn't bear to hear what he had to say." Kurt continued, almost forgetting Santana's presence "I only heard what he told me afterwards. It's only now I know it was a cover up... he was probably scared." He covered his head beneath his hands, sniffling through silent tears. x

Santana felt heartbroken, just watching him pour everything out to her. She felt awkward, unable to offer anything to support him. She replayed his words in her heard, searching for something to say.

She placed a hand on his shoulder carefully, not really sure how to act around him. Though they had never been more than just acquaintances she felt some sort of connection, something that meant he could tell her this. She had to help him, she had to say _something_.

"It's not too late." She whispered, surprised at how quietly the words came out. Kurt looked up slowly, wiping his tears. He squinted at her "What?"

"It's not, Kurt. You know the real reason why Blaine broke up with you; maybe he just wanted to protect _you _from getting hurt. He's strong and he's proud plus he's crazy about you; he would never dump you because he was scared for himself or because of some stupid identity crisis." Santana felt her power, like she did whenever she believed wholeheartedly in what she was saying.

Kurt stared at her intently, his eyes glistening as he listened to her.

"Nothing's stopping you from just telling him you know why he did what he did and that you're not scared. Because, hell Kurt, you've come back to McKinley to face the person who did just this to you. You and Blaine could face it together if you tried. And it's changing at our school- _we're_ making it change. We would never let anything like that happen to you or Blaine- you know that right?" Santana sucked in a large breath of air after she had finished- the words had just spewed out of her without control.

She stared gingerly at Kurt and his eyes widened at her. Another tear rolled out of the corner of his eye.

"Uh..." He began, his lips trembling. He was speechless. It took him several minutes to compose and digest Santana's words. She waited, unsure how he would take what she had said, did she over step? Was it really any of her business, or was he just venting? She sat still, letting him think.

Kurt blinked several times "Thank you." He breathed, raising a hand to his forehead to collect himself. Her expression morphed into surprise at his words, all she could manage was a nod in return.

Kurt got up, dazed and wobbly- feeling ghost-like and hazy. He hung on to the table for support. Santana stood also, bracing herself in case Kurt's legs gave way.

"I've- I've got to go home." He said, his voice mimicking his appearance- unstable, shell-shocked. Santana managed another nod. "Thank you," he repeated, this time with more conviction "for everything."

Santana let a weak smile trickle across her lips, she felt weird, helping Kurt in this way. They had never really been friends though they were acting like just that.

Santana absorbed what Kurt had said to her, how he had been so honest with her and had easily opened up.

Why? Why was he so willing to just tell all of this to her?

A thought crossed her mind. Maybe he thought she could help, maybe he thought she could give him advice. Though that theory was faltered, what with her tendencies to give negative feedback and hateful comments, it was however still a possibility. Maybe he could sense that they were more alike than Santana liked to let on.

For some unknown reason Kurt trusted her. He was honest with her, like they had known each other all of their lives. Maybe she could trust him; maybe she could be honest with him?

She felt a burning ache in her stomach with the anticipation of admitting this not only to Kurt, but to herself. She felt it, like tears that desperately needed to escape but were being choked back, she felt it _needing_ to escape- to air itself to someone, _anyone_. It was bubbling inside her, effervescent and ready to boil. She _had_ to tell someone, she couldn't lie anymore.

There was no one else who would understand. There was no one else in this situation. Kurt had come out; he knew what it was like- he knew how to help. He _would_ help her. She knew he would.

Her lips went pale with anticipation. She was going to tell him.

Through her thoughts Kurt had awkwardly waved her goodbye, still dazed by what she had said and had slowly taken few steps forwards. She called his name. She needed to tell him. She was _going_ to tell him, here and now. "Kurt?"

Kurt stopped, happy to answer "Uh- Yeah?" He asked, turning around to look at her.

She froze. _Tell him! Tell him now!_

"Oh, nothing."


	5. Coward

**A/N- Thank you all so much for your comments!**

**Disclaimer- Let's assume from now on that I don't own any of the characters.**

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><p>Once locked tightly in her room, safe from whoever could see her, Santana screamed into her pillow. <em>She was such a coward!<em> Santana didn't cry. She hated crying. It was so unattractive and easy. The moment she started crying in front of someone was the moment they saw the cracks in her persona. It would be the moment she was eaten alive by everyone she had screwed over.

_Damn it! _Was she really going to tell Kurt that she thought she was a lesbian? Would that really have made her feel any better?

Kurt wasn't her friend.

There was a sinking feeling of defeat in the pit or her stomach- so that was it? She just hid in the closet for the rest of her life because she couldn't face admitting who she was to anyone, not even herself?

But it was so hard. Every time the words were going to come out they were stifled. All Santana could picture was the stares she would get in the hallways, the whispers behind her back; the girls distaste when they changed in front of her for gym... it was too much.

It was too much knowing everything she had made for herself would just crumble away because of her _sexuality_. It was twisted in McKinley; in fact it was twisted in almost every high school. There was too much prejudice and she was so afraid she couldn't escape it.

But maybe everything wouldn't change? Maybe people had gotten on with their lives now enough so that it just wouldn't both them?

Plus she had to be true to herself. She couldn't just live like this, hiding her identity in fear of what others might think.

Santana thought about it.

Breathing jaggedly in frustration, she curled tightly into a ball on her bed. She didn't know what to do. She just didn't know.


	6. Confession

**A/N- Thank you all again for reading! Here's the biggie!**

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><p>Santana woke hazily; she had fallen asleep in her clothes. Groggily, she staggered up, silently thanking whoever could hear that it was Saturday. She couldn't deal with school right now.<p>

She manoeuvred her way to her bathroom, looking with distaste at herself in the mirror. Through her smeared make-up her eyes were blotchy and dark with a lack of sleep. She sighed, washing her face and reapplying it.

She crept back into her room and lay on the bed, _maybe she could just sleep for the whole day? _No one was there to wake her up- her parents were out as usual.

The thought was so tempting that she almost decided to do it, that however until she heard the blast of a car horn outside her house. Jumping, she raced to the window to see who it was.

_Oh hell no..._

Kurt Hummel sat in his flashy Cadillac, propped in her drive. He grinned manically, a welcome change from yesterday's depression, and waved up at Santana. "Dammit." She hissed under her breath.

"Santana!" Kurt called up. She winced and hid from view. _What did he want now?_ All she did was help him out, give him some advice- she wasn't proclaiming her undying need for his friendship. _This is why you're mean to people, Santana._

She had to answer him. Not wanting to cause a scene in her neighbourhood, she stretched for her phone and found Kurt's number. She still wasn't sure how she got it but then again she wasn't sure how she got most kids at her school's numbers.

_I'll be down now._ She clicked send quickly, hurriedly, before Kurt called her name again. Damn, people around here knew who she was too.

She slipped on one of her cute dresses that showed just enough shoulder and thigh but could still pull off classy. An extra addition to her mascara and she opened her front door, angrily making her way to Hummel's car.

"Porcelain, I didn't invite you." Her voice had found its way back, she wasn't scared or vulnerable anymore- nor was she so compassionate and _nice_. She was Santana again.

Kurt looked at her knowingly, a smile still plastered against his face. "Of course you didn't," he said cheerfully "I'm here to thank you properly- we're going shopping."

Oh for the love of-

"Shopping? With you? Yeah, if I wanna dress like the love child of Lady Gaga and a baby penguin." She turned around, flicking her hair. Kurt frowned, confused by her mixed signals. He got out of the car and followed her.

_Ugh, this boy couldn't take the hint!_

She was about to snap at him again but she was cut off. Kurt wasn't taking no for an answer. "First of all, I'd much rather refer to myself as the not so spurious offspring of Patti LuPone and Julie Andrews- but you're welcome to interpret my obviously far superior fashion sense how you wish." Santana narrowed her eyes, but couldn't help look at her own outfit in comparison to his. He did have style.

"Secondly," He began and pulled out his wallet, which to Santana's surprise contained copious numbers of credit cards. Her eyes widened.

She had only two thoughts in her mind after absorbing Kurt's outfit and his hefty wallet. The first being that she didn't want to be caught dead hanging around with him- he wasn't her friend and frankly, he bugged her. But after taking into consideration the money on show...

"Fine. Whatever." She mumbled, making her way to his car. He let out a small cheer of victory, following her.

It was painful to be locked inside his freaky car. She felt trapped, claustrophobic. It was so _clean_. She held herself awkwardly, strapping her seat belt on and flicking down the mirror to check her appearance.

Kurt got in the car and she made every effort to ignore him. This was a bad idea. She paused, about to open the door and just walk back into her house when he started the car. _Damn_.

It was a slow journey to the mall, Santana thought, as the two sat in silence. Kurt looked like he was ready to start a conversation and break the painfulness of their situation for the whole ride, he seemed to have a million topics to just spew on her, but every time he opened his mouth Santana's glare sent the conversation straight back down his lady lips.

Kurt became anxious. Maybe this was a bad idea.

The two arrived and Santana stepped out of the car quickly, breathing in the fresh air as she did. Kurt followed her. He was about to make his way to the mall when Santana stopped him "Look Hummel," She began, catching his attention "I'm here because I need a new dress, I know your all set on thanking me for being a real pal and helping you with your boyfriend and whatever but this does not mean that were friends, okay?"

Kurt didn't seem fazed "Oh thank Gaga- that dress is hideous." He continued on his way, strutting to the mall with her close in toe. Ugh. What she said didn't really seem to sink in. She peered down at what she was wearing. She wasn't talking about replacing _this_ dress.

She huffed angrily, and caught up with Kurt. She kept repeating to herself that she was doing this for the free clothes, which was her only incentive to stay. The two made their way into the shopping centre.

At first Santana thought trailing around the shops for clothes with _Kurt_ of all people would have been hell, a long painful torture that she wouldn't have wished upon Berry. But there was something almost _fun_ about getting fashion advice from someone other than Brittany, the girl who thought Coco Chanel was a type of breakfast cereal.

Though she wouldn't admit it. In fact, she did her best to hide it. Santana didn't need Kurt getting the idea that she wanted to do this again, or worse- that she liked him.

Santana, despite her best effort, hadn't realised how much they had been talking. Through discussing clothes, among other things, Kurt had started to manoeuvre their conversations to more personal issues.

"So, who are you taking to prom this year?" He said nonchalantly, trying to hide his curiosity as he browsed through so handbags. Santana peered up at him, frowning.

"What makes you think I'm going?" She countered, trying to hide anything her voice might have given away. She had thought about what it would be like to go with Brittney, but her fears would always silence that possibility.

Kurt's eyebrows rose. "You're not?" He picked up a red purse and showed it to Santana. She dismissed it with a head shake "So you haven't got a date then?" Kurt added, trying again through the handbags.

Santana was immediately defensive. She searched her mind desperately, trying to find a subject to switch too "What about you and Blaine? Are you going with him?" She asked, trying to look casual.

It was Kurt's turn to fall silent. Santana looked at him with scrutiny. He sighed "Well, the thing is," Kurt began, drawing Santana's attention "I haven't had chance to speak to him yet. Plus... what if he doesn't want to go to prom with me?"

Santana dropped the heels she was inspecting and turned to face Kurt. "Damn, Kurt! What's your problem?" Kurt was taken aback, and submissively shrugged, intimidated by Santana's ferocity. "Stop living in fear of rejection, it's so pathetic. I told you once so don't make me say it again- Blaine is _crazy_ about you. Just freaking ask him." Santana huffed and furrowed her brow at Kurt "Grow a pair, jeez."

Part of Kurt was completely shocked at Santana's outburst, but another part told him that it was her norm, her tough love. Or just her toughness. He couldn't really tell if she liked him or not. Nevertheless, he appreciated the constructive advice.

The two walked steadily from the shop, carting their bags promoting sales and offers from everywhere they had visited. They were making their way around another corner when Santana stopped dead in her tracks.

Her heart thudded hard against her rib cage and she heard the blood pound in her ears.

Ahead of her was Brittany, and she was with Artie.

Santana ducked back around the corner and pressed hard against the wall, acting on impulse to stay hidden. Kurt freaked out. "What! What the hell, Santana!" She felt her face flush. _Damn, that was a bad move._

She collected herself and brushed her dress down "Oh uh, nothing- I just... I, uh..." _Damn it, Santana! Say something! He'll get suspicious!_

"I-uh..." She couldn't. For once in her life she was speechless, she didn't have a comeback.

_Hell! Why is Brittany here!_

Santana's breathing quickened. She had no idea why she was so paranoid about being seen by Brittany. She told herself it was because she didn't want to be spotted hanging out with Kurt, though part of her knew it was because of the whole _Born this Way_ thing... but still, she felt odd- detached- that she was hiding from her best friend.

Kurt was still curious.

Santana was lost for a moment, and for that moment Kurt escaped her notice. He peered back around the corner, searching for what shocked Santana so much.

Santana was still mute, lost in thought. She knew the reason why she didn't want to see Brittany. Because it hurt too much to see her with someone else. Because she was scared that Brittany would ask why she didn't wear that damn t-shirt. Because she was still so confused about who she was.

Kurt squinted, looking for anything that would have shaken the fearless Santana. He scanned the area quickly, noticing nothing of significance. He was about to ask Santana what she had seen when his eyes finally rested on a streak of blond hair disappearing into a boutique.

This puzzled him further. Surely seeing Brittany, Santana's best friend, wouldn't have made her hide like that? Of course not, that wouldn't make any sense. Though, on second inspection of the area he couldn't see another explanation.

He returned to Santana who stared at him, worry painted over her heavier than her make-up. She swallowed though her throat was sore and dry. Kurt gave her a hard, long look- trying to decipher what had just happened.

"Did you just hide from Brittany?" He finally managed, but the words sounded odd. Santana never had a reason to hide from somebody, let alone her best friend. Santana's failure to answer made him more inquisitive.

"Why?" he probed, completely mystified.

At that Santana snapped out of her trance. She picked up the bag she had dropped and stormed forward, wanting to avoid this conversation. "Did I say I was hiding from Brittany?" She said spitefully, her voice mordant and scathing.

Kurt had to speed his step to a small run to keep up with Santana's furious march. He skidded slightly in his platforms until Santana at last slowed to a more human pace. "If you weren't then why did you just freak out like that?"

"Just drop it, Kurt!" She spat, making his blood run cold at her ferocity. _So she was hiding from Brittany_, he concluded in his mind- feeling proud at his deciphering skills. He didn't dare smile, however, feeling intimidated by Santana's rage.

He was silent for a moment, deciding whether or not to 'drop it'.

"What did Brittany do?" He felt at his very bravest letting those words escape, defying Santana and again prodding in what was obviously her private business. He felt a little unsure, though his curiosity was burning.

Those words must have hit a nerve.

Santana stopped dead in her tracks. She inhaled comically, taking long drawn out breaths, although it seemed as though she was fighting back tears. Kurt became instantly concerned. He was prepared to wait for her answer now without asking questions; though her expression made him think he should have just dropped it. _Was it really that bad?_

"She didn't do anything." Santana stated, she tried to sound defensive of Brit but her voice was so sad- so worn. Kurt watched her, noting the secrecy in her eyes- the nervous biting of her lip. Santana looked so vulnerable, everything he had come to know about her was melting with every second she stood looking so sad, so... unsure.

It would have been easier for Kurt to just say _'I don't understand'_ and give Santana the opportunity to drop the subject again. But Kurt did understand; he could see something was wrong, something was different. He didn't really expect Santana to admit anything to him; he wasn't prepared for her to tell him anything, but while she looked so defenceless- so unlike herself- he thought he might as well try to find out more.

Looking intently towards her for any change in her expression he opened his mouth to speak again "Did _you_ do something to her?"

Kurt could see those words drift through the space and trickle into Santana's ear. He knew he had made a mistake.

"None of your freaking business, Hummel!" She shouted, turning the heads of various passer-bys. The flames were back in her eyes and the knives in her voice. Kurt winced.

She stormed ahead and Kurt tried desperately to catch her. "Santana, I want to help!"

She stopped again, turning around to see him. He stopped too, sensing that she needed distance. Her voice was so thick when it rang out again, close to tears "Why would you want to help me? Why would anyone want to help _me_!"

Kurt had been waiting for her to say she didn't need help, but her selection of words made him think that she did. He was taken aback when she seemed so helpless again. "I would. Because you helped me, Santana." He was soothing, comforting. Santana felt a tug in her chest hearing those words. She felt like someone might actually be offering her genuine friendship.

She took a step back.

If her sexuality was one thing, friendship was another. She was unsure whether or not she actually had any real friends. Glee club just seemed to accept her because love and tolerance was their freaking motto, but she doubted that many of them really _liked_ her.

Kurt stepped forward, not wanting to lose her just yet. She spoke again, sounding on the verge of collapse "I just can't, Kurt! I can't!" There were so many things Santana couldn't do she wasn't even sure herself what she was talking about.

Kurt darted forward instantly, though a glare from Santana told him not to get any closer. He wanted to comfort, it came so naturally to him, though Santana's barriers were impossible to breach. He stood and lingered. He wasn't going to leave now, he was going to wait.

Santana noted that, much to her annoyance. Though, through the wobble in her legs, she realised she wasn't moving either. She had to let this out.

Kurt stared at her through his grey eyes, patient.

Santana peered back. She wasn't sure how she had even come this far in with Kurt. Why had she been so concerned with his business back when he moped into glee club? She struggled to find an answer. She didn't care about him back then, she was just... curious. Curious as to why he might be sad.

He opened up to her then, something no one had ever done for Santana. He must have trusted her. Why he did was still a mystery, but nevertheless it felt nice. To be _trusted_. And Kurt was still here, after all the hate she had given him. She sighed. She didn't deserve him sticking around.

But when it was all touchy-feely confessions back in the Lima Bean she had never told Kurt what she had wanted to. She had stayed quiet.

Maybe she was just scared of opening up to someone; maybe she was just so horrifically terrified of being weak. She pondered on that. Maybe she didn't have many friends because she just always had a way of screwing it up with people.

Brittany was different on so many levels. Her plain simplicity to life was so refreshing, so welcomed. She would never make Santana feel insecure because Brittany would always be on her side, she would never judge her.

Kurt was uncharted waters.

But here was an opportunity to take a chance.

Kurt was gay. He knew what she going through; he could help- he _wanted_ to help. _Damn it, Santana! Freaking take down these walls!_

Kurt was still waiting for her. It wasn't just that he would understand her situation that Santana was here considering telling him, it was his patience- his compassion. She needed someone to listen. Someone who could help.

Kurt moved closer to her, through the bustle of the crowded mall. He didn't touch her, he knew she wouldn't appreciate it, but he didn't break eye contact. He just stared and stared, waiting for whenever she was ready.

She had to tell someone. This was different to when they had gotten a coffee. She realised now that she _needed _to let this out. She wasn't admitting this to Kurt to just feel better; she was admitting this to herself.

She inched closer to Kurt, knowing how weak her voice would be. Her eyes glossed with the familiar veil of her captured tears as she looked back into Kurt's intensive gaze- she was ready. Her heart was pounding wildly and she felt the familiar buzz of blood in her ears, racing through her veins like electric. Her mouth went dry.

"I'm gay."


	7. Gratitude

The world slowed down. Santana thought about what she had just said. She looked at Kurt, desperate for a response. It felt as though everything had been drained from her body, she quivered on her unstable legs- feeling void of energy.

That was it. She had said it.

Her head was woozy, she felt light-headed. Suddenly, she was flooded by emotion. She gagged with the effort of holding back her tears. Kurt stared, dumfounded.

He was stunned that Santana had told him. It took him seconds to judge Santana's state of mind, for her feelings were all too familiar to him. He took her hand, disregarding whether or not she would object to it, and pulled her eyes to focus on him.

"It's okay." He mouthed softly.

Santana was immobilized. _It's okay._ Those words rang through her mind, repeating again and again. That was what she needed to hear. _It's okay_. Now, at least, she thought it might be.

* * *

><p>Kurt drove her home, he never spoke- he figured she needed some time to think. She appreciated that. Santana's mind was cloudy, aching. She couldn't even muster the energy to hold her head up from the dizziness, she felt numb.<p>

When they finally pulled up outside her house Santana's eyes flashed to Kurt. She paused and then opened her mouth to speak for the first time since they had left the mall. "Thank you." She croaked, but her voice rang out with so much pure sincerity Kurt had to blink hard to remind himself who was speaking. He nodded and pursed his lips together, trying his hardest to give a comforting, encouraging smile.

Santana tried to respond with what energy she could find but the result was more of an upside down grimace than a smile. The two paused again, simply sitting in Santana's drive.

"Thank you for telling me." Kurt suddenly spat out, drawing Santana's gaze to his face. "Really. Thanks." Santana didn't reply. She just looked down, falling into the lapse of her exhausted silence once again.

Kurt hurriedly got out of the car, opening Santana's door.

She clambered out and shuffled slowly to her door, Kurt protectively following behind. As she got inside she lingered in the doorway, looking at Kurt who hadn't failed to make sure she was okay. There was a long, drawn out silence as Kurt waited for her to disappear into her home. She didn't.

"Will you be Oka-"

"Stay with me," Santana interrupted him, taking him off guard and again surprising him by her out-of-character behaviour. She realised what she had said, she was too far past her pride and arrogance to stop herself from saying it. She knew she needed someone now.

Kurt was hesitant.

"Pardon?"

"Stay here with me for a while longer," She asked, looking down out of slight embarrassment "Please?" Kurt swallowed and nodded. He couldn't just abandon her now.

He escorted her in and the two went up to her bedroom. Kurt felt like he was breaking some unwritten rule, wandering aimlessly into Santana's house. He silenced the thought though, not wanting his momentary discomfort to upset Santana.

Once Kurt sat on her bed however, he felt more natural- ready to help. His eyes followed Santana as she clumsily tidied away various clothes scattered on the floor and put CD's back into their places- trying to make her room appear more presentable to guests. He was so busy scanning his surroundings and noting the quirks of Santana's bedroom that he barely heard her when she said "It's okay, by the way."

His eyes returned to Santana and he cocked his head to the side as she continued to do a rudimentary job cleaning up her stuff. "Hm?"

"You said 'Thank you for telling me'," She mumbled, kicking another dress under her bed and joining Kurt where he was sitting "It's okay."

She smiled at Kurt and for the first time he could see Santana, really _see_ her. He nodded as his lips formed into the smile Santana was beginning to become ever too familiar with.


	8. Amity

Kurt didn't realise how long he had been at Santana's, and if he was honest- he didn't care.

It did feel natural with her- the two had a sassy nature which blossomed among their mutual interests. The two found common values and opinions- after an hour or so they had forgotten what had brought them here, Santana's sexuality was not a heated topic of discussion.

And she liked it.

In fact, she found herself forgetting- her only thought being her submersion into conversation. "It's only because our voices are far too superior." Kurt finished, making Santana smirk. She liked this. She liked Kurt's company and how he made her feel, well, _normal_.

Because that was it- she _was_ normal.

Without thinking she let the thought show, a wide grin spreading across her face. Kurt stopped what he was saying and looked at her, laughing slightly with the infectiousness of her smile "Are you okay?" he asked, grinning himself.

She nodded from where she was, lounged across her bed as Kurt sat casually on the end. She sat up to face him "Yeah," she chimed, huffing a small laugh "It's just... I never thanked _you_ for listening. For helping me."

Kurt's expression changed, he was so flattered that Santana thought that- he had only assumed he was keeping her company up until this point, it didn't feel like he was doing anything particularly helpful. "Any time."

Santana looked at him, dissecting his words again. _Any time..._There was a time when those words would have drawn the python from her mouth- at the ridiculous assumption that she and Kurt were friends.

But they were friends. All Kurt had to do was listen to her and he proved he was much more of friend than the likes of Quinn or Puck. He was here, probably against his better judgement, in her house- making sure she was okay.

She leaned over to where he was sitting so the two were side by side. She didn't want to ask Kurt if he thought of her as a friend, she still couldn't let go of that part of her personality, but the fact that he had stayed here this long made her think that maybe he did. "Why are you here?" She questioned suddenly, softly, looking up at Kurt.

He digested the question, the tone of Santana's voice- it wasn't hateful or negative, just interested.

"You needed someone with you." He answered almost immediately and then his gaze found Santana's dark, enquiring eyes and he realised what she had actually wanted to ask him "And because your my friend, Santana."

She nodded and felt assured- a new wave of happiness filling her.

While she was getting answers Santana thought to cease the opportunity.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why did you tell me you broke up with Blaine, back in the Lima Bean? Surely Mercedes or Berry would have been your first choice?"

Kurt paused again as he thought about her question; he was expecting her to ask him this sometime. "No, they weren't," he began, thinking to himself what his motives actually were "It's just... I thought back to when I saw you in the auditorium singing- and I saw that maybe you were filled with something too. Some emotion that I could relate to other than your hard exterior." Santana's mouth opened in surprise at his answer, she had almost forgotten about her song.

"And your advice is anything but all the kissy 'It'll be okay, Kurt, don't worry about it'" he added, smiling gratefully at her. She smiled too, at ease.

The two paused, lost in their own thoughts for a moment. "The song was for Brittany." Santana said hesitantly, peering from the corner of her eye at Kurt.

"I know."

The two sat in silence again, comfortable. Santana's mind wandered sleepily, this was good. Being with Kurt made her know it was going to be okay. It was going to be normal.

_Normal_.

"This feels so normal." She whispered, voicing her thoughts without thinking. Kurt, who had also been hazily day dreaming, looked at her.

"What d'you mean?" He asked.

"_You know_," she sighed, looking for the words "_I_ feel normal, with you I feel just like everybody else."

Kurt frowned.

"You _are_ normal," he said with concerned conviction "Your sexuality doesn't make you different in anyway, Santana." Her eyes focussed from their sleepy state as he spoke, as she listened intently to what he said. "It's the person you are not the person you love that makes you unique, special. Don't count yourself lucky to be 'just like everybody else' because your more than that, Santana. Be proud of who you are."

Her lip quivered.

He always found the words to make her speechless. She swallowed. She was lucky, to have Kurt. He was helping her through this, making this better.

"It must have been hard for you, doing this alone." She aired her thoughts again, unable to stop herself. Kurt paused at her comment and nodded rigidly.

"You can come out whenever you're ready, you know? You have people supporting you, not just me- but the glee club as-"Santana had been listened contently but suddenly the thought of telling others she was a lesbian stifled her. She cut him off with her worried head shaking. Her eyes were large, anxious.

"No-no, I can't. I can't do it!" Thoughts flooded her mind- the stares, the whispers... Kurt stopped speaking and rested a hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down.

"It's okay! It's okay!"

"No it's not Kurt! I can't do it! I can't just _tell_ everybody like it's no big deal!" She was slightly hysterical, worry haunting her. Kurt tried to soothe her panic- he hushed her and grabbed her head in both hands- focussing her attention on him.

"It's okay," he said slowly, helping her breathing return to normal "I _know_ this is a big deal. You don't have to tell everybody," He paused and added "straight away." Anxiety flooded back into her at those words but she let him continue, sensing he had more to say.

"But don't be ashamed of who you are. I know you're worried about what others will think, I was too at first." He tucked Santana's hair behind her ear as he spoke; comforting, soothing. "There's nothing wrong with you, only the damn society we live in."

Santana's lip trembled and her vision became blurry. Hot tears ignited behind her eyes, burning them. She closed them softly and let a single silver bead roll off her cheek. She didn't wipe it away, Kurt could see her cry.

He knew how vulnerable she was- no matter how much she tried to hide it. But that wasn't reason enough for her to let him see her like this- it was because he knew the tears. He knew these emotions.

Once one had fallen the rest followed eagerly, snaking down her face after being held back for so long.

Santana mentally thanked Kurt for his patience as he waited for her.

"I-I won't be able to handle this like you." She croaked, feeling defeated from the sudden wave of tears. Kurt smiled at her supportively.

"Just be true to yourself and I _promise_ you will." Santana rested her head on Kurt's shoulder as she listened to him, feeling worn and tired. He stroked her hair again as he spoke. "And I'm here. I'll help." He kissed her lightly on the forehead. That action alone made her believe every word he had said; it filled her with so much support and understanding.

And it made her know she wasn't alone.

She was still coming to terms with her identity, but at least she had someone to help her. Kurt allowed her to keep her head on his shoulder as more tears dripped from her salty face. The two suddenly realised just how tired they were.

Kurt would have to leave soon.

"Before I go," Kurt whispered to Santana, who was gently falling asleep on him "promise me something?

Santana managed a meek nod through her exhaustion "Yeah?"

He swallowed, knowing he needed Santana to at least confront one more person about this. Knowing facing them might allow her to conquer this better, might settle her raging mind and emotions.

"Promise you'll talk to Brittany."


	9. Confrontation

Santana agreed.

It was reasonable.

Plus, she had told herself she would have to do this sooner or later any way. It was just a matter of when. And how. Telling Brittany how she felt, _for a second time_, had seemed almost unthinkable up until now. It was like being back in the mall all over again- Santana just wanted to avoid this situation.

In its simplest form, Santana didn't want to jeopardize their friendship.

What if Brittany didn't want this relationship to go any further? What if she just wanted to be with Artie and leave it at that? Brittany had told Santana that she loved her back, though. That was an incentive to go through with this.

Santana fiddled with her cell phone, waiting for a reply from Brittany. They hadn't spoken since back before they entered the auditorium. She sighed and waited, unsure whether or not to feel sceptical about Brittany's likeliness to text back.

Brittany was too clueless to hold a grudge for anything, let alone get mad.

Santana just waited, nervously sliding her fingers over the sleek rhinestones on her cell. She patted her nails, the noise filling the emptiness of her room. _Just be patient, you only just sent the message..._

Her phone buzzed.

The vibration made her jump and she quickly flicked it open to read Brittany's reply. Santana felt her pulse rate quicken for only a moment, until she had time to scan the message illuminated in front of her.

_Yeah- I will meet you there_

Santana breathed out a sigh of relief. She knew she shouldn't have doubted whether Brittany would say yes or not. Despite the fact that Brittany had misspelled 'meet' and had used a smiley face instead of the word 'you' Santana understood the message clearly.

She was off to Breadstix.

* * *

><p>Kurt was proud that Santana had agreed to speak to Brittany. It was brave; confronting her. Kurt knew, he'd been through the whole damn thing.<p>

It was inevitable though, seeing as he was talking about Santana, that there would be a catch to accepting his request.

Kurt traced the rim of his coffee cup as he waited for Blaine to arrive, his heart thudding violently against his rib cage- threatening to break through. Santana told him he had to meet with Blaine and sort whatever was going on between them out.

He knew he was being cowardly shying away from talking to Blaine. But he was just so terrified of losing him. There was always that possibility, scratching at the back of his mind- feeding his doubt and fears, that possibility that Blaine really didn't want to be with Kurt.

He told himself that thought was ridiculous.

Santana had drummed it into him now; he needed that pinch more of self confidence when it came to relationships. He sucked in a deep breath, waiting.

He would just talk to Blaine. It would be easy. The guys at Dalton had told him what happened, Santana had told him her opinion... he just needed to churn those words into something he could say for himself, something he could confront Blaine with.

His brain ached, trying to piece together something before he walked in. Damn, this was hard.

He closed his eyes, trying to block out the bustle of the cafe as his mind raged. _Blaine, I know what those kids from McKinley said to you..._

Through his mental script devising, Kurt's ears pricked. Over the chatter of voices and _clinks_ of spoons on crockery Kurt heard the small chime of the welcome bell on the door. His eyes flickered open and landed on a curly haired brunette standing in the door way.

_Ah hell. Blaine._

* * *

><p>Santana had gussied up.<p>

Though it had never been a big deal before, this time felt different. Santana was meeting with Brittany because she had something to say and she knew she couldn't chicken out now.

She waited anxiously at the table the two usually sat on, picking at her nails. She was clear on what she wanted to say. This wasn't just admitting her feelings to Brittany, she had already done that. This was... this was something more.

She was going to let Brittany know that she had come to terms with her feelings. That... That she wasn't afraid of being with Brittany. _Really_ being with her. It was still a daunting task, coming out publicly, but she was sure of Brittany. She was sure she wanted to be with her.

Santana was calmer. She knew what she had to say.

Her exterior remained cool and in control, more Santana-like than she had felt in a while, right up until Brittany walked through the door- beaming uncontrollably as she joined Santana where she was sitting.

"Hey!" Blaine called cheerfully, walking over to Kurt as he removed his jacket and scarf. Kurt was stifled, frozen. His fingers did a small wave from where they grasped his coffee cup. He watched Blaine sit down casually- as if the two had never had their previous conversation in this exact spot.

Kurt could hear his heart beat again; the pulsing of his blood, the ringing in his ears. Kurt remained still once Blaine had sat down, quiet.

"So, how come you wanted to see me?" Blaine asked, breaking the silence like shattering glass. Kurt only stared at Blaine, thinking, searching for the right words. He wasn't sure if he could do this. Maybe he should just tell Blaine to meet him another time once he knew what to say- maybe he could just wait this whole thing out...

_Grow a pair, jeez._

His thought train came to a sudden halt as Santana's harsh words flitted through his brain. He sucked in a last breath of strength and forced his eyes to look forward, meeting Blaine's.

"Blaine. We need to talk."

"San!" Brittany smiled warmly, as if she had completely forgotten Santana's reaction to the t-shirt she had made her back in the auditorium.

"Hey," Santana replied meekly. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips, infecting from Brittany. She centred herself. _Breathe, Santana- It's just Brittany, you can talk to Brittany._

"Hey babe." She said with more conviction, a warmness trickling through her. This could be easy, if she wanted it to be. Brittany's blue eyes flashed, interested in what Santana had to say- content on listening.

"You wanted me?"

"I-I wanted to say sorry, first." Santana stuttered, focussing on keeping eye contact with Brit, to keep her attention "For, uh, not wearing the T-Shirt." Brittany nodded, a vague understanding washing through her.

Brittany was silent for a moment and after an encouraging nod from Santana realised she was supposed to respond. "That's okay." She said plainly and paused again. Santana watched as Brittany formed the words she wanted to say in her head. "I understand you're not ready to come to terms with being part Lebanese yet anyways."

Santana breathed a small sigh of relief at Brittany's understanding and then a soft giggle at her ignorance. "That's the second thing Britt," she began, moving her hand slowly across the table and linking her pinky through her best friend's. "I'm not part lebane- lesbian. I'm a whole lesbian." Santana let a weak smile fall on her face as tears brewed behind her lashes at putting this in terms Brittany could understand. "A-And..." she started, feeling the tears break through their flood gates and carefully trickle down her cheek.

She smiled and wiped them with her free hand, not ashamed of crying anymore but more glad she could express her emotion this freely.

"And I have come to terms with it. I want to be with you Brittany. I-I'm not sure how well I'll handle the whole 'coming out' thing, but I know when I'm with you it all makes sense. And if I'm with you I know I'll be able to face this, no matter what anybody else says. Because I... I love you Brittany."

* * *

><p>"I know why you broke up with me." Kurt blurted, petrified.<p>

Blaine was silent for a moment, not expecting Kurt to mention the whole topic of their relationship. He opened his mouth to reply, but paused and closed it, thinking of how to respond.

"I told you why I thought we should go on a break." He finally said, his voice unconvincing.

"I know the _real_ reason."

It almost sounded like a threat, though Kurt hadn't intended it too. Blaine eyed Kurt cautiously. He decided not to answer; instead he waited for Kurt to speak again. Kurt noted that.

He bit his lip, picking his words. He didn't want to sound like he was blaming Blaine for anything, or that he was angry. He just wanted Blaine to understand they could get through this if they fought against it, together.

_Now how to word that to Blaine..._

"The guys at Dalton... they told me what the McKinley kids did to you." Kurt managed, keeping close watch of Blaine's expression. Blaine immediately sighed, holding the bridge of his nose. He mumbled something under his breath but Kurt couldn't catch it.

"I-I didn't want you to worry," Blaine tried but saw Kurt hold up his hand, silencing him. He allowed Kurt to continue.

"Tell me truthfully- did what they say have anything to do with you breaking up with me?" Kurt was close to tears, worrying the worst- that Blaine would say no, that he had just broken up with him because '_he wasn't ready to have a relationship at this time_', that it had nothing to do with anything else. Kurt waited.

Blaine's breathing became heavier as he scratched his head. He searched the familiar green- grey of Kurt's eyes- seeing the worry in them, the hope. Blaine swallowed. He needed to tell the truth.

"Yes."

Kurt exhaled obviously, though he tried to cover it. He hadn't realised he was holding his breath. Kurt's red, blotchy eyed stare told Blaine to elaborate.

"I... I panicked." Blaine admitted, looking down at the empty coffee cup on the table. "It's not like..." Blaine began, licking his lips as he searched for the words "I mean I've dealt with this kind of abuse before back at my old school. It's just..." He stopped again, unable to voice what he wanted to say. Kurt saw the struggle on his face.

"Go on. I won't think what you say is stupid." His voice was little above a whisper, eager to hear what Blaine had to say but at the same time terrified.

Blaine nodded, unsure. Blaine was still wary as to how much Kurt had worked out about what he told him back when they broke up. He decided to disregard it all. He needed to tell the truth, put things right.

"Kurt they go to your school... my first thought was that they would go after you _again_." It felt good once the words had parted from his mouth, as Blaine grasped what he was trying to say.

"I thought maybe they just didn't like _me_. I could handle that. But then I thought if they hated me as much as they made out thatthey'd start targeting things that would affect me...you."

Kurt nodded weakly.

"I didn't want them to hurt you, Kurt." Blaine thought about what he said "Not that you can't take of yourself! It's just... I couldn't bear to see them torture you like they did before you transferred to Dalton."

Kurt processed this and slowly nodded, wiping at his eye carefully in case the threatened tears broke through. He swallowed. "You tried to protect me?" He offered, using the words Blaine couldn't find.

"Yeah... I guess."

The two shared a long, hard look.

"How do you feel about me Blaine?" Kurt asked, hesitant. The words fed from his mouth, desperate for an answer. Their break up seemed distant now. Kurt understood. Blaine was slightly taken aback at the question. He pushed back his hair and thought, though once realisation hit his stance returned to normal. He looked at Kurt firmly from across the table.

"I love you."


	10. Aftermath

Santana had said it.

It wasn't the first time, but she had said it- and she felt every part of her being pour into the words. Another set of tears slid down her face, glistening against her complexion.

Brittany seemed slightly vacant for a moment, as the words made their connections in her head. Eventually the message became clear. She was sidetracked, however, by the sight of Santana crying. It made her feel sad.

She leaned over the table and wiped the trickles away from her cheeks. Santana smiled warmly, grateful. Brittany's face remained pleasant, unknowing in her usual naivety- she smiled back as she always did.

At her lack of response, Santana felt the need to encourage her. "Please say you feel the same way." Her voice was barely audible.

Brittany knew what she wanted to say.

"You know I have feelings for you too. I told you I loved you back."

Santana swallowed, choked back another brew of tears and said "I know." Though she feared there was a blank space at the end of Brittany's sentence, that she was missing the inevitable _'but..._' Artie was still on Santana's mind, though she had never allowed him to cross into her thoughts before.

She looked to Brittany who appeared to want to say something more.

"Artie broke up with me."

* * *

><p>Kurt choked back on the air in his lungs.<p>

It was an unpleasant feeling, and to Kurt's fears, unattractive.

Kurt was too stunned to form a decent human response straight away. Here was the guy he was crazy about, who had _broken up with him_, declaring his love. Kurt's eyes widened into perfect circles as his brain sliced through every interpretation of the words. Through every possible reply he could give in return.

There was only one.

"I love you too."

* * *

><p>Santana wasn't sure what to feel at Brittany's words.<p>

Before she had convinced herself the destruction of anything between Artie and Brittany would only bring about good, if she had had the guts to do anything after they were finished that is. Though now she was sympathising for a friend. She didn't feel particularly victorious nor did she feel commiserate. She just _felt_.

"How come?"

Brittany saw the concern on Santana's face. Though Santana was usually confusing for Brittany, as was every person she encountered, today she seemed at her most enigmatic. Brittany had concluded long ago Santana didn't like Artie, nor did she support any relationship between him and herself. But she seemed so consoling now.

After a moment of pondering Brittany knew Santana cared about her. It took only the reassuring squeeze of Santana's pinky around hers to explain that.

"He said I cheated on him. He knew about my feelings for you."

Santana nodded. She guessed she was sort of to blame for the whole 'cheating' thing.

Santana didn't ask how he had found out. She wasn't annoyed. Brittany's innocent and trusting nature had made it inevitable that Artie would find out about their relationship eventually. It didn't matter anymore.

The two were still.

"I want to be with you too, Santana." Brittany said, voicing the words Santana didn't expect to be so happy to hear.

She stared, starry eyed at Brittany for a long, long moment. She breathed out.

Santana thought about Artie. She knew she wasn't the rebound.

It felt right with Brittany. Their relationship had been a mystery for so long and now it was finally making sense. It was all rushing together, desperate to fit and settle. She didn't have time to worry about what others thought any more, she had already done that. She had already thought about Artie and the other McKinley kids.

Now she was thinking about Brittany.

Words were more than perfect, right here in the moment. The two had told each other they loved one another before. But Santana wanted to prove something further, she wanted to show to herself more than anything that she wasn't ashamed of who she was.

She was going to act.

She was going to be brave.

"Britt," she unlinked her pinky and clasped her palm around the hand of the girl she loved "Will you go to prom with me?"


	11. Prom

Kurt arrived at Santana's complete in his overly eccentric tux.

Santana beamed wildly at him, flashing her perfect smile. He returned it affectionately, admiring the stark red of her gown.

He opened the door to his Cadillac and let her in. She propped nicely down, ornamenting the seat like a doll. Once out of the Lopez's drive the two had already submerged deep in conversation.

"He told me that it was an overreaction and he was sorry for doing it to me. And I told him what you said, that we could beat this whole thing. That it was changing in McKinley, that we would be fine- if we worked through it together." Kurt finished, smiling back at how Blaine had worked himself up in regret and had then come to calm. Santana's scarlet lips curled upwards.

"That's nice, that you worked it out."

Kurt didn't need to tell Santana how grateful he was for her help. Nor did she for his. He glanced at her for an instant, slowing down as he took his eyes off the road. Her eyes flickered to where she felt herself being watched.

The two held the stare, a small smile lingering behind their mouths.

It was only until they heard the pounding of music from the school cafeteria and queues of limos blocking the roads did they resurface back to where they were.

Prom.

Kurt escorted Santana inside, a catwalk through outdoor party lights and excited teens. Once encompassed by the dancing and party they felt themselves give in to the overwhelming atmosphere.

It took only a moment to spot who they were supposed to be accompanying.

Kurt was quick into Blaine's arms and even quicker to take him to dance. He found various other faces of the glee club to join that had also paired themselves off into various dating combinations. Santana smiled. It was nice.

She looked back to Brittany who stood happily, waiting for Santana.

Santana's eyes were typical to water slightly but were not too loathing of her as to spoil her mascara. Her smile broadened as she intertwined her fingers through Brittany's.

The two could have remained contently silent in the background, simple pleasure in each other's company, but the change in song pricked Santana's ears. It was familiar to her. Though almost a distant memory now, she mused picking the song for the glee club assignment.

It drew her to the dance floor. She led Brittany with her.

**A waltz when she walks in the room, she pulls back the hair from her face... she turns to the window to sway in the moonlight, even her shadow has grace.**

The song was slow. A couple's dance.

The two were hesitant to begin with, unsure whether to join.

Gingerly, Santana re-linked hers and Brittany's fingers and adopted what she could gather as the correct positioning for a slow dance. Brittany copied her.

The two giggled slightly as they fretted over how they were lost in the steps, but slowly they found their own rhythm.

**A waltz for the girl out of reach, she lifts her hands up to the sky...she moves with the music, the song is her lover- the melody is making her cry.**

It became apparent to everyone of Santana and Brittany's closeness, their dancing, their intimacy. The glee kids noted it also, not particularly surprised. Kurt was giddy with pride and with his own date as he and Blaine made their own way into the dance.

He and Santana shared a final smile before returning to their own dates.

Santana could feel the stares of others burning into her as she rested her head on Brittany's shoulder. But her heartbeat didn't quicken in fear of what they were thinking, it quickened with the thrill of Brittany's touch.

She could only feel the warm, soft breathing of the girl she loved.

**So she dances in and out of the crowd like a glance...**

She didn't care that people where staring. She could never have understood up until now that what they thought didn't matter.

It was just her and Brittany.

Contrary to what Santana may have believed, nobody said anything to them. They just let them carry on, happy together.

With one swift movement, Santana raised her head. She held Brittany carefully in her eyes, and, adjusting her body so they were directly opposite each other, leaned forward and rested their lips together into one soft kiss.

And although they had kissed many times before it felt like their first.

**This romance is, from afar, calling me silently...**

It was just her and Brittany.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you to everybody who has read this, and thanks especially to everybody who has favourited this or reviewed it! <strong>

**In case you wanted to know the songs I used in the fic, in order, they are:**

_**Brown (Blue) Eyes- Lady Gaga  
>So She Dances- Josh Groban<strong>_

**All of your feedback has been very much appreciated and I hope to post more Brittana, Klaine (and possibly Faberry) fics soon, thanks again everybody for reading!**


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